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只想用言语把心中的苦。。说出来。

一直以来都相信这个事实,自己也曾经试验过这个理论。

一对恋人,就算工作或读书在同一个地方,感情也不一定会能够持久。
他们也许是在那个环境下认识,相处,恋爱。。。但也许会因为工作上意见不适合,还是因为某某传言,还是因为另一个人,还有很多很多可能。。总有一天,也会到分手的时候。人总会到厌倦的时候,如果回不到当时为什么相爱的原点,就像泡热腾腾放在桌上的咖啡,因为自然环境因素而渐渐冷淡的咖啡一样。。这是我必须面对的现实。

如果两个人不在同一个地方工作,还是读书。。虽然不比在同一个地方工作来得幸运,但这一种必须因为责任而分开的感情相信会来得更有价值。两个人如果相爱,不管工作还是读书有多么的累,还是工作上遇到什么压力等,只要见到对方,就好像充电一样,整个人也因为他有了继续奋斗的力量。。
两个人因为学会珍惜有了任何人无法模仿的沟通方式,然后互相鼓励去实现自己的目标,和为了两个人的未来一起设下的目标,肩并着肩前进!

这是我要在感情上做的实验。如果他能够度过这个实验。就算要牺牲一切,我一定不会放开他的手:) 

遇到适合倾诉工作压力、人际关系压力的对象,然后用爱和鼓励的话让我充电,让我继续有勇气面对一切困难,我就是世界上最幸福的女人。对我来说真的好幸运。
这是我一直在追求的感情。 

第一次恋爱,我就做了这个实验。一直以来都向御本尊祈求会遇到这样的人,其实那时候的我会爱上他,也是因为当时候的他能够分担我所有的喜怒哀乐,成为我最信赖的对象。没想到自己越是祈求,时间越久,他渐渐改变了。当时候的我好害怕,害怕失去这个感情。第一次和他提出分手,并不是因为不再爱他,而是希望他会有时间思考两个人的感情。那时候的我好开心,他说他想要和我在一起。。还以为他会珍惜我们的感情,可是他还是没改变。我们还持续的分手,分手又一起。。他厌了,不再珍惜两个人的感情。就算做出很多努力,很多牺牲,也得不到相等的爱。他不再像以前一样相信我,甚至自己因为真的很爱,为他做的一切反而变成了他的负担。那时候的他只会说对不起,自私的离开。甚至还想要把我推给那时候追求着我的另一个人。自私的人,自以为会让我得到幸福,怎么可能会看得到我的心。太爱他,我什么都给了他,怎么可能能够那么随便就给别的男人?现在我想起来还是会那么很心痛,眼泪还不听使唤流下。。才明白其实这个感情是御本尊让我学习感情残酷的事实: 人会变,容易随着环境而改变,友情一样,爱情比友情更加脆弱。其实他一开始就不可能会爱我,两个人只是想要满足爱的欲望。我越爱越深,他得到了满足感就学不会珍惜。我知道的,可是一直相信“只要真心爱着他,他也会爱我”这个荒唐的希望,我被爱所蒙蔽了。记得那时候我们在暧昧的时候,他曾经对我说:“我不配你,你为什么会那么爱我?” 我知道他一开始就不配了,就应该打消跟他相爱的念头。

阿姨,对不起。那时候的我对你,和你的儿子承诺,这个承诺不可能会实现了。
还有自己的父母,虽然读书上你们不必担心我,但我还是不懂事,我不会保护自己。
你们那么爱我,我不会保护自己。。。。

就算以后因为工作见面,还是街上碰面,我不可能会对你再有任何感觉,绝对。

我们只是朋友。

曾经小时候面对的阴影,向自己承诺要为了未来那个陪伴自己的人一定要保护自己,因为这一段伤心的感情,都不能实现了。发生的事情只好像之前那个阴影一样用时间来慢慢淡化。
还好那时候的我对他撒了谎,其实自己的阴影根本就不是我对你说的那么简单。
美丽的谎言,至少自己可以在心中保留这个阴影,而且他也不必对我付出什么责任。

可是我一点也不恨你,反而很感谢你,祝福你会找到适合的伴侣。

我一定会好好过。

但我还保持着希望。我会继续祈求,一定会遇到那个值得我付出的人。

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